why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
