i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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