Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
