he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
