hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
