DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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