If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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