dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
