i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
