he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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