I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
