i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
