if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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