Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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