Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
