Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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