grandma shit on top of the toilet
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize