i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Sorry about my life...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
