i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
