Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
