I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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