pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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