I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
