I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
