the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
