I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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