Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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