just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
