That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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