I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
