WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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