yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
