forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
