Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize