Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Did I show you my penis last night?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
