he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
