I feel like I'm in dance class right now
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
