I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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