at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
