I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
