You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
