ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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