Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
