he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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