I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
