break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize