I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
