Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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