I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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