I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
