Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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