I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
