I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
