saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
