How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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