i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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