best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
