we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize