You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
