I forgot how hot balto sounded
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
