I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
