you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
