Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Houston, we have a blender
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Randomize
