Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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