You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
