oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize