It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
