You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize