i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
