i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
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