are you still at the devil's house?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
