No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
